OK, boys and girls, last month we talked about optimism. This month we will discuss idealism in the form of ethical behavior. Ethics should not be a part of idealism, but in today's society, unfortunately, ethics seem to be idealistic, not realistic. We seem to be on a track of "how far can I go to cheat everyone else while making as much money as I can and staying out of jail."

Let's take care of a couple of easy things first.

My opinion of people who scam others or take bonuses from companies bailed out by the government is they should be under the jail, not in it. Just so you know where I stand.

And I am not going to waste a lot of ink on legality. If you take a bribe in any form to perform an action that benefits another, you broke the law. You stole from your company.

So how do you tell if you are violating good ethical behavior? Here are four litmus tests:

• Can you look in the mirror and enjoy seeing the person looking back?
• Is the deal too good to be true?
  
• Does it feel right? (You know, it's that little voice your mother cultivated in you telling you not eat all the chocolate-chip cookies in the jar.)
  
• Will it hurt someone?
  

I taught a course in personal and business ethics at Northwestern University for about five years. These were graduate students who had spent a minimum of three years in the business world before coming back for their advanced degree, so they had experience. I started the class with a little exercise.
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I asked how many of them smoked. Very few hands ever went up. Next I asked of those who didn't smoke, how many were vehemently opposed to smoking? Most people were, for whatever reason.

I'd tell them I had a job open for the non-smokers. "It pays $40,000 per year, working on an insurance account at an ad agency. Who wants the job?" Usually no one raised his hand.

"OK, I have another job open. It pays $200,000 per year, plus bonus, stock options, and a company car." All hands went up.

"Wait," I'd say. "You will be selling cigarettes." Most all hands stayed up. "So all you people who are vehemently opposed to smoking are ready to sell cigarettes just because of the money? What does that say about personal ethics?" And the class went on.

Here's another short story about personal ethics. A guy worked for me as my promotion manager. One day a guy from accounting came to me with a hand full of purchase orders for everything from clothing to electronics to a sailboat. All signed by the promotion manager and sent to his house and billed to the company.

I confronted him with an offer to return everything or pay it off in easy monthly installments. He refused. He told me that he didn't make enough money, so all this stuff, which George Carlin used to say we have to have, was due him. He was fired.

I think all gifts should be stopped. There is no reason for business people to be gifting. I don't care what you say. It influences decisions. Instead, present your argument, and I will make a decision. Take that, Mr. Lobbyist.

Never take anything home from work. No pencils, paper clips, computers, cases of hamburgers, nothing.

I quit a job because my boss stole my idea. I wrote a recommendation. He put his name on the cover sheet, turned it in, and got a promotion. I got squat. Don't steal other people's ideas.

I see something going on today because of the economy that really fries me up. Stores that are going out of business are marking up their prices then advertising 40 percent off as a going-out-of-business sale. We're paying about the same price now as before the 40 percent off. That's unethical behavior toward the customer.

Another one that just doesn't feel right and gets that little voice talking: Same size package, less product, same price. Just doesn't feel like good corporate behavior.

Speaking of marketing. Generally I feel that all supers, fine print, and guys who can talk faster than I can think should be eliminated. If you can't tell me in the ad in normal, understandable language, you are probably trying to fool me.

A couple of other examples: Companies claiming, "fresh baked." As opposed to what? Stale baked? Or those that say they have twice the beef, but don't tell consumers that it's also twice the price. Yeah, I know that is supposed to be puffery, but I think puffery should be abolished for its effects on the naïve. You also shouldn't advertise something that you only have one of to get me into the store.

Finally, a writer tried to get me to run an ad for a free Big Mac with an expiration date of that day. The idea was people would come in with the expired coupons, and they'd be forced to spend their money. I got him a job selling furnaces in Hawaii.

I have an idea: Let's all be ethics police. When we see an obvious ethical breach, let's write a letter to the offending company, person, or government, and enclose a violation notice that demands he make a contribution to his favorite charity and stop being a bad boy.

I'm going to do it. But where do I start? There's so much going on today.

Listen to that little voice, please.

A Peaceful, Ethical Life and Happy Trails.